Everyone Loves Ryoko
by vsdefender
Summary: A day in the life of the galaxy's favorite space pirate. PG-13 for a small bit of tasteless humor.


I don't own Tenchi Muyo, any of the characters or any of Washu's crazy inventions for that matter. I'm not exactly sure who owns them but I know that it's distributed in the U.S. by Pioneer. This fanfic is written without the consent of aforementioned owners and yadda yadda yadda.  
  
Note: Words in asterisks * * are stressed words in a sentence.  
  
Dialogue in brackets { } are a character's thoughts.  
  
  
  
Everyone Loves Ryoko  
  
  
Ryoko woke up on the beam that served as her bed and usual hang out spot. She stretched and floated down to the floor.  
  
The smell of the morning meal lingered in the air. {Sasami's cooking breakfast already? Damn, too late to freak out Tenchi in his room,} Ryoko thought.  
  
Everyone was already at the table by the time Ryoko arrived in the kitchen.  
  
"Good morning everyone," she said as she sat down. "Good morning, Tenchi." She gave him a wink.  
  
"Good morning, Ryoko," Sasami said cheerfully as she set a plate in front of the space pirate.  
  
"Thanks, Sasami," Ryoko said as she dug in.   
  
Nobuyuki pushed away from the table and stood up. "Well, girls, we should get going. Got lots of things to do and time's wasting."  
  
Ryoko stopped shoveling food into her mouth and looked up. "What are you doing?" she asked around her mouthfull of food.  
  
"Tenchi's dad is taking Mihoshi, Washu and I shopping," Sasami answered. She looked to her older sister. "Ayeka, I won't be able to clean up. Can you...?" The younger Juraian princess swept her arm in an arc indicating their immediate surroundings.  
  
"Don't worry,Sasami," Ayeka assured the young girl. "Ryoko and I will take care of it."  
  
"Hey, don't volunteer me for your dirty work," Ryoko said in protest. "Besides, I wanna go shopping too."  
  
"MY dirty work!?" Ayeka said with indignation.  
  
"Yes, *your* dirty work," Ryoko said and then stuck her tongue out.  
  
"We'll see about that," Ayeka replied and held up a piece of paper in front of Ryoko's face.  
  
"What's that?" Ryoko asked.  
  
"A list of the chores you neglected to do this week," Ayeka said smugly. "Since you'll be doing them as well as helping me clean up around here I'm afraid you won't be going anywhere."  
  
"But... but... but... " Ryoko protested weakly.  
  
"Ayeka's right," Tenchi said, finally speaking up. "You've been avoiding your chores lately. It's not fair to everyone else to have to do the work that you should have done. You should stay here and help clean up."  
  
"What about you, Tenchi?" Ryoko asked. "What are you doing today?"  
  
"Grandfather expects me up at the shrine," Tenchi replied. He looked up at the clock. "I better get going right now, in fact."  
  
Ryoko sighed. "Today's not gonna be any fun at all."  
  
"We better get going ourselves," Tenchi's father said, turning to Mihoshi and Sasami. "Hey, where's Washu?"  
  
"She must be in her lab," Mihoshi replied. "I'll go get her. Be back in a second."  
  
"Er, maybe Sasami should go," Tenchi said quickly.  
  
Sasami laughed nervously. "Maybe you're right." She quickly strode to the door to the lab before Mihoshi could make the decision to go herself.  
  
"I'll see you all later," Tenchi said as he waved goodbye to those still in the kitchen.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ryoko watched as the door shut behind Nobuyuki and the three alien females he was taking on a shopping expedition.  
  
"Washu and Mihoshi on a shopping trip together," the space pirate chuckled. "I'd pay real money to see that."  
  
"It's unfortunate that you have no real money to spend," Ayeka said with a smirk.  
  
"That's no problem," Ryoko replied. "Robbing banks is easy. Too bad that there isn't a Bank of Jurai on this planet."  
  
"Ha, ha, very amusing," Ayeka said as she walked towards Ryoko. She glanced at the paper. "It looks like the first thing you need to do is start dusting."  
  
"Dusting, huh?" Ryoko said. "Be back in a minute." The space pirate promptly faded from view.  
  
"RYOKO!" Ayeka shouted in outrage. "Don't think you can get out of doing your fair share of work that easily!"  
  
Ryoko reappeared, instead of the familiar blue and yellow dress she had been wearing she now had on what looked to be a smallish french maid's uniform. It was quite a bit too small and it showed. "Don't get your panties in a bunch. I had to change."  
  
"Wha...Wha... What is that?!"  
  
"Can't you tell?" Ryoko asked innocently. "It's a maid's outfit. It's traditional when dusting, you know." She help up the duster she had in her hand and waved it around.  
  
Ayeka glanced at Ryoko's very generous cleavage. "Ryoko, you're all but falling out of that thing. It's indecent."  
  
"It's never been indecent," Ryoko replied. "I'll have you know that my breasts have always been extremely decent."  
  
"Ryoko! You are such a..."  
  
"Although I do wish Tenchi was in decent," Ryoko said, cutting the princess off.  
  
"Ha! Tenchi is a gentleman," Ayeka retorted. "He'll never be indecent like you. It's impossible for him to sink to your level."  
  
"I said I wish he was in decent, not indecent," Ryoko told her.  
  
"I don't get it," Ayeka said.  
  
And you never will, princess," Ryoko chuckled. "You never will."  
  
  
  
  
Ryoko wiped the back of her hand across her forehead. "Pheeew, when did dusting get to be so much effort?" She looked around at her handiwork. "At least I'm finally done."  
  
"Not so quick, Ryoko," Ayeka said from the other side of the room. "There's a spot over here you missed."  
  
Ryoko sighed and walked across the room to deal with the spot that Ayeka had pointed out.  
  
Immediately Ayeka was inspecting another part of the room. "You might want to get this spot over here," she told Ryoko.  
  
"This is getting really old, really fast," Ryoko growled through clenched teeth as she stomped towards the spot that Ayeka had pointed out.  
  
From yet another spot in the room Ayeka pointed out more dusting to be done. "Really, Ryoko, it looks like you haven't been doing anything at all."  
  
"Ok, that's it!" Ryoko snapped. She walked up to Ayeka and threw the duster in the princess' face.  
  
The dust that had accumulated on the duster exploded in a cloud that covered Ayeka's face in dirt. The stunned princess blinked a few times then sneezed.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Why the hell should I have to wash the dishes?" Ryoko grumbled.  
  
"WE are washing dishes," Ayeka retorted. "Don't make it sound as if you're doing it on your own."  
  
"Ok then, why should *we* have to wash dishes?" Ryoko complained.  
  
The elder princess rolled her eyes. "Because they are dirty, that's why."  
  
"I can see that they are dirty," Ryoko replied. "What I want to know is; why can't someone else wash the dishes?"  
  
Ayeka held out a towl to Ryoko. "Here. I'll wash the dishes and you dry. Will that do?"  
  
Ryoko grabbed the towel out of Ayeka's hand. "I still don't like it but ok."  
  
Ayeka turned on the tap and let her side of the twin sink fill up. "Ok, your turn," she said once her side was full enough.  
  
Ryoko turned the tap all the way on and pressed a thumb over the faucet mouth. A jet of water squirted across the sink, striking Ayeka dead in the face and then soaking her robes.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ayeka looked up at the kitchen clock as Ryoko put away the last of the dishes.   
  
"Well, now what?" Ryoko asked as she turned to look at Ayeka.  
  
"We're pretty much done with cleaning, so why don't we watch something on tv?" Ayeka said.  
  
"I'd rather go see what Tenchi's doing," Ryoko told the princess.  
  
Ayeka picked up Washu's copy of the current Galactic Viewing Guide. "Hmmmmm... this looks good, Tales of Love and Vengeance."  
  
"Huh, Tales of Love and Vengeance? What's it about?" Ryoko asked.  
  
"Here's the official blurb," Ayeka answered. "Camelia of Planet Jurai and Endymion of Procyon IV meet while vacationing on Paradiso and quickly become entangled in an illicit love tryst. However, love turns to treachery and murder when their jilted spouses discover...."  
  
"Looks like you found a winner," Ryoko agreed. "When and what channel?"  
  
"Let's see... it's on the Tatooine Broadcasting Systems," Ayeka replied. "And... it's already ten minutes into it! Quick get the...."  
  
Ryoko grabbed the remote faster than was humanly possible and flipped through the channels. Within seconds she arrived at the channel she was searching for. "Woo hoo hoo," she said as she stared at the the galaxy tv that Washu had installed. "They weren't kidding about the love tryst."  
  
"Yes," Ayeka said in agreement. "It certainly does seem to be action packed."  
  
  
  
  
  
During a commercial break Ayeka glanced at the wall clock. And suppressed a groan. "Ryoko, what do you say to a good soak in the onsen?" she asked casually.   
  
Ryoko inspected her fingernails. "Huh? But the movie ain't over yet. Besides, I'm not in the mood right now."  
  
"Well I am," Ayeka stated. She grabbed Ryoko's arm. "And I'm not going by myself."  
  
"Ayeka, let go," Ryoko said as she struggled to free herself from Ayeka's grip.  
  
"I'm sorry but I can't," Ayeka replied. "I must insist that you join me."  
  
"No way!" Ryoko protested loudly. "I wanna see the end of the movie."  
  
"We have been inside all day," Ayeka said. "We really should get some fresh air."  
  
"I don't care!" Ryoko snapped.   
  
"I take that to mean you don't care if Tenchi sees you while you're still filthy from dusting?" Ayeka asked. "And that's not to mention your greasy hair."  
  
"Greasy hair?" Ryoko said, reaching up and touching what was argueably the galaxy's most well known head of hair. "Do you really think so?"  
  
Ayeka's reply was to stare at Ryoko.  
  
"That bad, huh?" Ryoko said. "Fine, let's go then."  
  
  
  
  
  
The girls had been soaking in the onsen for quite some time when Ryoko lifted her hand out of the water and inspected it. She stood up and walked to the hot spring's edge.  
  
"Not leaving already, are you, Ryoko?" asked Ayeka from behind the space pirate.  
  
"When I start turning into a raisin it's time for me to get out," Ryoko answered.  
  
"I see." Ayeka said.  
  
A moment later a stream of water arced through the air to strike the back of Ryoko's head.  
  
With a growl Ryoko turned around. "Ayeka!"  
  
The princess looked bewildered. "What is it, Ryoko?"  
  
"You did that!"  
  
"Did what?" Ayeka asked innocently.  
  
"Oh, forget it," Ryoko muttered and turned to climb out of the hot spring.  
  
Again a stream of water flew through the air and soaked the back of Ryoko's head.  
  
"Ayeka! I'm warning you!" Ryoko snarled.  
  
"About what?" Ayeka asked, seemingly puzzled at Ryoko's behaviour.  
  
"Don't play innocent with me," Ryoko said. "I know you're doing it."  
  
"Doing it? What is it you think I'm guilty of?"  
  
"Forget it," Ryoko grunted and turned back around.  
  
Ryoko was yet again promptly soaked by another stream of water. With a scream she flew into the air. "That's it, you're gonna pay!"  
  
Ayeka stood up to run but Ryoko was too quick. The blue haired girl tucked herself into a ball and slammed into the water with the force of a cannon shot.  
  
Ayeka was swept under a wave of water. She resurfaced hacking and coughing.  
  
Ryoko popped out of the water laughing as Ayeka sputtered.  
  
"So you think it's amusing, demon?" Ayeka said with her eyes narrowed. She grabbed Ryoko's shoulders and pushed the space pirate back down under the water's surface.  
  
After several long moments of struggle Ryoko clawed her way to the water's surface. She in turn forced the princess under water.  
  
Now it was Ayeka's turn to try to get back to breathable air. After a brief struggle Ryoko pulled the crown princess out of the water and tossed her onto the deck of the onsen.  
  
"Now that's what I call fun," Ryoko said cheerfully as Ayeka gasped for breath.  
  
"You have a strange idea of "fun"," Ayeka said weakly.  
  
"It's a lot better than washing dishes," Ryoko countered.  
  
Ayeka remained silent. There was no way to dispute Ryoko's statement. Fighting with Ryoko wasn't her idea of a good time but those fights were *never* boring. Though she would never admit it there actually was a part of her that rather enjoyed her fights with Ryoko.  
  
"So, what do you say to having some sake?" Ryoko asked the still recuperating princess.  
  
"Well...." Ayeka appeared to ponder the question. "Ok, as long as we don't over do it. It's to early for either of us to drink heavily."  
  
"That's never stopped you before," Ryoko said.  
  
"I'm not a common drunkard!" Ayeka said loudly. "I resent you implying that I am."  
  
"Is that what I was doing? Implying?" Ryoko asked. "I'm sorry, next time I'll just come out and *say* that you're a sloppy drunk."  
  
"SLOPPY DRUNK!?" Ayeka screeched.  
  
  
  
  
"I don't see why we should have to walk home," Ryoko complained. "I could easily fly us there. Or even better, teleport us back."  
  
"Stop complaining," chided Ayeka. "The exercise will do us good."  
  
"I don't need no stinkin' exercise," Ryoko grumbled.  
  
"I don't know," Ayeka said. "Washu does seem to think that you're starting to sag...."  
  
"I am NOT sagging!" Ryoko yelled. "You're just jealous of my body."  
  
"Jealous!? Me!?" Ayeka demanded.  
  
"That's right, jealous," Ryoko taunted.  
  
"Just why would I be jealous of a five thousand year old monster woman who's body is starting to sag?" Ayeka asked snidely.  
  
"True, you have little reason to worry about sagging. After all, there isn't much there for gravity to grab onto," Ryoko retorted, pointedly staring at Ayeka's chest.  
  
"WHY YOU!" Ayeka screamed and launched herself at Ryoko.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a weary and tattered pair of alien girls that finally reached the Masaki home. Ryoko pushed the door open and stepped inside, followed by the princess.  
  
"Huh, no one seems to be home yet," Ryoko observed. "I can't believe it takes them this long to do some shopping."  
  
Ayeka glanced around. "Hmmm.... that is peculiar," she agreed.  
  
"Might as well see what's on tv," Ryoko said and made her way to the family room.  
  
As soon as she stepped in the room the residents of the Masaki home popped out of various hiding spots. "SURPRISE!"  
  
Ryoko took a step back and nearly called up her energy sword before she realized who she just had been ambushed by. "What the hell... ?" she said, puzzled.  
  
"It's a surprise birthday party, silly," Sasami giggled.  
  
"Birthday party?" Ryoko said, completely lost. "Since when is today my birthday? I don't even have a birthday for that matter."  
  
"That's why we decided to give you one," Tenchi told her. "Washu couldn't tell us what day you were born.... Ok, not born exactly but you know what I mean."  
  
Washu scratched the back of her head. "I was pretty busy at the time and I didn't have time to check the date. Sorry."  
  
"Anyways, since we had no idea what day was actually your birthday I decided to pick one for you," Tenchi continued. "And what better day than the day I released you from the cave?"  
  
Ryoko was so stunned that she was speechless.  
  
Tenchi turned to Ayeka. "Miss Ayeka, thanks for keeping Ryoko busy today. We wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret without your help."  
  
"I was glad to help, Lord Tenchi," Ayeka replied.  
  
"You mean that everything you did today was because Tenchi wanted to keep this a secret?" Ryoko asked Ayeka.  
  
"I believe Tenchi and I just said that," Ayeka confirmed.  
  
"Oh, well, thanks," Ryoko said.  
  
"So, what should we do first, girls?" Katsuhito asked.  
  
Sasami and Mihoshi looked at each other for a brief instant before shouting, "Presents!"  
  
"Presents it is then," Katsuhito said with a laugh. "Who wants to go first?"  
  
"Me! I want to go first!" Mihoshi said excitedly. The blonde Galaxy Police detective handed Ryoko a small gift wrapped box. "Go ahead and open it."  
  
Ryoko tore the wrapping off the box, opened it and took the contents out of the box.  
  
"Space Pirate Ryoko: The Ancient Rampaging Menace?!" Ryoko growled as she stared at the small doll in her hands.   
  
"Don't you love it?" Mihoshi said. "I found it on Jurai the last time I was there."  
  
"I AM NOT ANCIENT!" Ryoko yelled.  
  
"And look, it talks too," Mihoshi said. "See, you just press one of these buttons on the back."  
  
"I wont hurt you... *too much*," the doll uttered as Mihoshi pressed one of it's buttons. Another button caused the doll to laugh maniacally.  
  
"Isn't it so cute?" the blonde detective giggled.  
  
"Er... moving on," Tenchi said hurriedly, trying to pry Ryoko's attention from Mihoshi and her gift. "Who's next?"  
  
"We should be next," Sasami said, holding a box in her arms as the cabbit sat on her shoulder. "Isn't that right, Ryo-ohki?"  
  
"Thanks, Sasami," Ryoko said as she took the box from the girl.  
  
"I hope you like it," Sasami said as she watched Ryoko tear the box open.  
  
Ryoko pulled the contents out of the opened box. "Ummm... a set of cookware?" the space pirate said, looking at Sasami.  
  
"Yeah, isn't it great?" Sasami asked.  
  
"But I can't cook," Ryoko pointed out.  
  
"That's alright, I will show you how," Sasami replied with a smile.  
  
"Uh... that sounds great," Ryoko said with a smile that wasn't quite so genuine as Sasami's had been.  
  
"Now my turn," Nobuyuki said. He handed Ryoko a small pile of magazines. "I forgot to wrap them. Anyways, here you go."  
  
"What are they?" Ryoko asked.  
  
"Well, I know how you girls love "comics for girls" so I thought I'd give you these."  
  
Ryoko shuffled through the magazines. {I've aleady read all these, some gift,} she thought. She looked up at Nobuyuki and put on another fake smile. "Thanks a lot."  
  
"Here you go," Katsuhito said, pressing a small package into Ryoko's hands.  
  
"Thank you," Ryoko said and opened the package. Inside was a small book.  
  
"When I saw it I thought of you," Katsuhito said helpfully.  
  
"Lessee... Fifty Ways to Leave Your Mother?" Ryoko said, reading the title of the book.  
  
"It's supposed to be a joke," Katsuhito explained.  
  
" Make a new plan, Stan? Get on the bus, Gus?" Ryoko read from the book.  
  
"Yes, it's very humorous," Ayeka said drily, shooting Katsuhito a sour look. "Here's my present, Ryoko." The princess handed Ryoko an object that was obviously a gift wrapped bottle of sake.  
  
{Definitely the best present yet,} Ryoko thought, holding the bottle in both hands.  
  
"Now it's my turn," the Greatest Scientific Genius of the Universe said.  
  
Ryoko glanced at Washu's empty hands. "Looks like you didn't get me anything at all," she observed.  
  
"It's not something I can just carry around," Washu replied. The red head snatched up Ryo-ohki. "It involves a modification to Ryo-ohki."  
  
"A what?" Ryoko asked.  
  
Washu grasped Ryoko with her free hand and dragged the space pirate towards the door. "It's hard to believe that a genius like myself could have such a slow witted daughter."  
  
The others followed Washu and Ryoko outside.  
  
"So what's this modification already?" Ryoko asked.  
  
Without saying a word Washu tossed Ryo-ohki into the air. Everyone there watched as Ryo-ohki transformed from an unassuming cabbit to the most feared starship in the galaxy.  
  
"Ok, Ryo-ohki, do your thing," Washu called out. She turned and snagged Tenchi's wrist. "Can't forget you."  
  
"Hey! Wait! Why do I have to..." Tenchi's protests were cut off as he, Washu and Ryoko vanished in a beam of light.  
  
They were deposited onto the floor of Ryo-ohki's bridge.  
  
Ryoko looked around. "Nothing looks all that different to me," she said.  
  
"Are you sure?" Washu asked.  
  
"Yeah, I sure," Ryoko said. "I would think I should know what Ryo-ohki's control room looks like."  
  
"Have you bothered checking out Ryo-ohki's control panels?"  
  
"Yeah, I ..." Ryoko trailed off. "Hey, this is different. This switch is new."  
  
"Go on, give it a try," Washu urged.  
  
Ryoko gave Tenchi a look.   
  
"Go on," he encouraged.  
  
Ryoko flipped the switch. A moment later a bed materialized on what had been an empty floor. "That's nice," Ryoko said. "Why a bed?"  
  
"I figured that if you ever go on some long journey you might like sleeping in an actual bed," Washu explained.  
  
"Yeah, right," Ryoko said. "Now what's the real reason?"  
  
"Real reason?" Washu said.  
  
"So far, every gift has had some use to the giver," Ryoko told Washu. "I imagine this one is the same. So out with it. What's the real reason?"  
  
Washu sighed. "There is a convention at the Science Academy. I was hoping you'd let me borrow Ryo-ohki for the trip. It would a lot cheaper than paying for a hotel."  
  
"I figured it was something like that," Ryoko said. She turned to Tenchi. "Might as well get this over with. So what do you have for me?"  
  
"Opps, that's my cue to leave," Washu said. "Goodnight, kids." She gave them a wink and vanished.  
  
The two turned back to face each other. "So.... the present?" Ryoko prompted.  
  
"Um.... right," Tenchi said uncomfortably. "First, close your eyes."  
  
"Close my eyes? This sounds promising," Ryoko said with a grin and closed her eyes as Tenchi requested.  
  
"Now hold both your hands out in front of you," Tenchi told her.  
  
"This sounds like it's getting kinky," Ryoko giggled as she complied.  
  
"No, with your palms up," Tenchi said, taking her hands in his own and turning them so they both had their palms facing up.  
  
"Tenchi..." Ryoko said, all but groaning in anticipation.  
  
"Please, don't talk," Tenchi told her.  
  
Ryoko waited silently for several minutes. Then she became aware of something happening to her wrists. Or more specifically, her right wrist. She suddenly realized what had happened and her eyes popped open.  
  
She stared at a matching set of gems on her wrists.  
  
"Happy birthday, Ryoko," Tenchi said, smiling.  
  
Without warning she swept Tenchi in a bone crushing embrace and pressed her lips on his. They both tumbled on to Washu's gift to Ryoko.  
  
After several moments of stuggling Tenchi managed to free his mouth long enough to shout, "RYOKO! STOP IT!"  
  
"I don't want to stop," Ryoko said with a grin. "Besides, Washu was kind enough to install this bed. I think we should put it to good use."  
  
"Are you crazy, Ryoko?" Tenchi said in desperation.  
  
"Not at all," the space pirate said with a laugh.  
  
"Everyone's waiting for us," Tenchi said. "They must be getting worried by now."  
  
"So what?" Ryoko said.  
  
Tenchi gave a last ditch effort. "Sasami has your birthday cake waiting for us."  
  
  
  
  
It was the early hours of the morning and the household was asleep when Ryoko woke up. As usual she was lying in only spot of the house that was truly hers.  
  
{Nobody else is awake, huh? Well then, it looks no one will be around to stop me.}  
  
Ryoko floated down from her perch and made her way across the floor.  
  
"Looks like I got up just in time," a familiar voice said from the stairway.  
  
Ryoko turned around. "Ayeka, what do you want?"  
  
"You're so very sneaky, Ryoko," Ayeka said accusingly. "Trying to sneak into Tenchi's room again."  
  
"Is that what you think I'm doing?" Ryoko asked, chuckling.  
  
"If not that then what?" Ayeka said.  
  
"There is some leftover cake in the fridge and I'm gonna grab some," Ryoko replied. "Care to join me?"  
  
"Sasami's cake was quite delicious," Ayeka said, recalling the birthday party earlier. "I guess a small piece wouldn't hurt."  
  
However,when the two girls entered the kitchen they saw a horrifying sight. Sasami was sitting at the table stuffing a piece of cake into her mouth.  
  
"This is really good, isn't it Ryo-ohki?" Sasami asked the cabbit.   
  
"Miya!"  
  
Both Ayeka and Ryoko looked at the plate that had held the cake, empty now except for a few crumbs. As one they turned to face the younger princess.  
  
"Sasami!" they growled in unison.  
  
  
  
Note: Well, this didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. The ending seems weak. Unfortunately, I don't know how to make it better at this point. If at some point I come up with something better maybe I'll re-do it. Then again, maybe not. 


End file.
